The Last Day of School

As unbelievable as it seems, Nora's preschool career is officially over. This was the last week of school, and while each day at school was themed in celebration of the onset of summer, I feel like something was missing. Or worse, perhaps the onset of summer isn't worth celebrating.

But really, I need to shake this glum feeling and focus on the incredible year Nora had both socially and academically. I couldn't be more proud of my star student! Nine short months ago, she started her second year of preschool knowing how to write her name and count up to 20 or 30. Now she can read, write sentences with a little help, and count to 3200. Of course I'm biased and prone to brag, but even the teachers were astounded at the rate in which she progressed. For the summer, Ryan purchased her a 1st grade math book, and already she has sat down to do math problems just for fun. I continue to read her Magic Treehouse chapter books before bed to increase both her vocabulary and her (art) historical knowledge base.

I suppose I feel like something is missing, or perhaps a little blue, because the daily routine of getting ready for school and singing all the way to the next town is over. Or maybe the fact that Nora is growing up means I am missing my baby. Most parents feel bad taking their kids to school in September; I feel bad for taking her away! She loves school so much, not just the academics but also her teachers and friends. She almost started crying on the way home when she realized she wasn't going back on Monday. I hope that attitude changes. Because while she has thrived at school, and while we both will miss the comfort of the routine, I think there is also much to be said for lazy summers and sleeping in, for digging in the dirt and the sand, and for eating berries off the bush. And don't get me started on Ollie's custard!

Maybe its silly to miss school after all, because if I'm not mistaken, there's a lot of sleeping-in in the near future. Hmmm....

Emily Update

My God where did the past month and a half go? Its been a blur, simple as that. Its been a bunch of ups and downs too (and no Renee, unfortunately none of them were in my marital bed).

On the one hand, I had the blessing to teach the best bunch of students I've ever had, period. Who knew that bringing coffee to class was like winning the golden ticket? Note to self: there is no reason to ever teach non-caffieinated persons again. Conversely, it has been hard dealing with the death of both my grandparents in such a short span of time. There's so much to say about that, but considering this blog is supposed to be about not taking life so seriously, I'm going to skip that subject for the time being to give you all a long overdue update on Emily's therapy progress.

As the days and months have ticked by, Emily has been attending therapy regularly, three sessions per week. Her schedule has changed slightly; she now has speech and OT on Wednesday and group/music/developmental therapy on Thursdays. To say her speech therapy is going well is the understatement of the year. Emily just loves Miss Shelly, and will do anything and everything to please her. Just the mention of Shelly's name leads to smiles and claps, and when Shelly enters the room, Miss Em does somersaults! Its just too much cuteness for one kid, really. Thinking about it makes my smile muscles hurt.

We hardly even need the PECS book anymore; only when Emily is tired (like first thing in the morning) or if she needs something that she doesn't ask for all of the time. I'm still using PECS to teach her new words, although the toilet picture isn't working yet. Nonetheless I think its one of the best things to ever happen to Em. I would highly recommend this type of tool for anyone with a child who has a speech delay.

Her language is really beginning to flourish. Its not uncommon for Emily to use small sentences throughout the day. We have been working on verbs for the past two weeks, and she can say things like, "Shoes off!" and "Swing!" and "Go night-night". She has mastered many animal names and sounds, and can verbally identify the primary and secondary colors. The most exciting thing is the fact she has started using those little language words that make all the difference in the world, things such as "the", "a", and even the pronoun "I". The icing on the cake: she is learning to say "Please". Once she starts talking, I'm going to have another mini-me on my hands!

Occupational therapy is also fantastic. Miss Sue has so many wonderful things for Emily to do. OT is conducted in a gym like environment, so there's swings, a slide, a mini-basketball game, a bike, even a climbing wall! When exposed to a lot of the large, gross motor activities, Emily still has the tendency to freak out and become very disorganized. Sometimes as a parent its really hard to watch, because the disorder in her brain is apparent on her face. However, as the weeks have gone on and she's become familiar with the environment, she is able to better handle the situation. We have also discovered through these sessions that, when placed in an unfamiliar environment, there are a few things that calm Emily down in less than a minute: a silky blanket, a bottle to suck on, tight hugs that imitate swaddling, and (surprisingly) small toys, especially matchbox cars. She loves them! To think I used to kick her out of Nora's room for playing with all of the small toy sets in there, simply because they weren't age appropriate. I was taking away the one thing she needed to feel at peace! Thank goodness for Sue. Otherwise I would still live in tantrum central.

Finally (yes this long post is almost done but geez I have a months worth of stuff to say!), music therapy rocks. Pun intended. Emily is my little singing superstar. Everyday she and Nora sing all of their favorite hits, including the ABC song and Jingle Bells. She also sings the songs with Miss Angie, and when she strums the guitar, she strums in time to the beat. I couldn't be happier for her. Part of the reason she has this group therapy is to help prepare her for school, and I am quite sure she will do well in an academic environment. I also hope when she gets a little older she will be able to take some kind of music or voice lessons. The kid has soul.

In Loving Memory of Joan Scholten

Only 16 days after my Grandfather passed, my Grandmother Joan Scholten left this world to be with him. I've always been taught that when you die you die alone, but I would like to think they have found each other again. I love you Grandma Mom.

Some thoughts on life and death

Tonight I'm sitting in front of the computer unable to sleep, when I really should be in bed. I have a plane ticket to Florida; I'm leaving in the morning to see my newly widowed Grandmother. The following day I will be attending the memorial service for my Grandfather, who passed from this life on Sunday, April 18th, 2010. Perhaps I should be packing? Because I haven't.

I have a lot of mixed emotions at the moment, but I suppose that is normal. On the one hand, it is now starting to sink in that someone who has been a part of my life, for my entire life, is now gone. Just like that. The rapidity in which one's life can change is mind boggling. The phone rang and all was well; then my mother spoke and the gravity of her words changed me forever. There are no more tomorrows with my Grandpa. There will never be the opportunity for him to meet Emily. In just a few short days he has become a part of who I was rather than who I am.

There is a sadness of course. There is some resistance to facing the sadness at the memorial. There is the fear that this may be enough to kill my Grandma, who is fighting off late stage colon cancer.

But I can say that there are many blessings and lessons that go along with the passing of my Grandfather, and I am going to do my best to focus on those. You might be thinking, "How can anyone find the good in someone's death? Is she out of her mind?" I don't really think so. Anyone who has any faith in the fact that the universe functions perfectly as it is, and that everything that happens in the universe is caused and has a reason, has to accept that in order for there to be life, there has to be death.

And my Grandpa lived a full life. The world is a better place because Gerhard Scholten was a part of it. He married his high school sweetheart and loved her dearly for 57 years. He served our country in the military, putting the well being of countless others first. He turned aside the chance to be a pilot living in California in order to stay with Joan and raise his three children, Rhonda (my mom), Brett, and Aaron. He worked as a brick layer in Chicago, helping to construct some of the major buildings in the city including McCormick Place. He adopted a number of dogs and invited them into his homes, dogs that otherwise would have been put to sleep. He was a grandfather to five and great-grandfather to four, including my Nora and Emily. He took me in his truck when I was about four and brought me to McDonald's for my first ever Chicken McNugget. Ok, maybe introducing me to junk food wasn't the best thing he ever did, but I think of that every time I buy nuggets for my "vegetarian" children.

He lived a long life, 77 years. That's a lot longer than most people get. But those years took their toll. He suffered a lot in his old age. The vitality and spunk I remember Grandpa having has been gone for a while now. I really believe that it was his time and he knew it. I haven't heard all of the details yet about how he passed, but he told my Uncle that he didn't want to go back to the hospital after suffering what seems to be a heart attack, and he died in the arms of his son. It was quick and painless as far as death goes. And I am so grateful for that. There was no clinging, there was no indecision. I think in this final act, the act of letting go and surrendering, there are a lot of lessons for those of us who are left behind.

First of all, almost all of our suffering is caused grasping and clinging to stuff, and by resisting change. We do this all of the time. Its no surprise that the thing we cling to as our dearest possession is this sack of flesh and bones we wrongly think of as "us", as "me". He had the wisdom and the bravery to just let go, to let go of the suffering.

I personally believe that as he died, he got a glimpse of what was about to come. I don't believe that death is the end. As my beloved teacher, the venerable Lama Marut always says, life doesn't end with Porky Pig saying, "The-the-the-the that's all folks!!!". Death is a door, death is a transition, death is just one moment before the next birth. He never was his body anyways, and I have to remember his every time I start to get choked up about the fact he's gone. He is not gone. His mind, his soul if you prefer that term, is ageless and deathless and is crossing through the unknown as I write this.

The last lesson I take from his death is to remember to rejoice in the fact that I am still alive. Right here right now, I'm ok. However, this body, and the leisure and fortune it enjoys, is not going to last forever. I have to remember why I am here, and to do what I need to do so that someday, when my turn comes to traverse the great divide, I can do it with the same simple grace my Grandfather displayed at the moment of his death.

In Loving Memory of Gerhard Scholten

Good-bye Grandpa. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. This life certainly isn't the beginning or the end, and I know I'll see you again. With all my love 'till then....

Spring Break Blues

Nora's Spring break...a week to be outside! Sleeping in, going for walks, and working in the yard! It's what Nora and I do...or rather, its what Nora and I planned to do.

The week before her break, the weather was pure bliss. The snow piles that had been on the ground since the first week of December didn't have a chance against the 50 and 60 degree temps. The crocuses popped their sunny heads out of the ground, and Nora and I got to work. Hooray! Finally, the three veggie beds I laid out last year would finally be put to good use.

After digging in some compost and manure, Nora and I got out there, seeds in hand. I took a broom handle and carefully pressed it into the ground in order to make nice, straight rows just like my Organic Gardening book instructed. We planted peas, carrot, parsnip, and spinach seeds with mathematical precision. I also planted 60 onion sets in perfectly straight, rather lovely rows. Oh the excitement! According to the package, all these things can tolerate light frosts. Why, in 50 short days, we're gonna have a feast! Or so we thought.

It snowed 2 inches the first day of Nora's break. We sat, staring out the window, as the snow covered the ground, the swing set, the frozen pond. The temps got out of the freezing range during the week, but not the wind chills! It was hard most days to take a quick walk without our hands and ears going numb. But the worst part was waiting for those seeds to sprout. Everyday we went out there to a whole lotta nothing. Nora kept saying, "Mom, it takes time. It's ok," when my excited smile turned to a frown. Who's the adult and who's the impatient kid?

Her break is over, and so of course it has warmed up once again. Unfortunately I've given up on our seeds sprouting. I'm not quite sure, but the footprints in the garden seem to indicate that perhaps the squirrel has done something with the seeds, and half the onions too. I'm also pretty sure that Nora and I planted the carrots and parsnips too deep, and its too dry, and well, I suppose we just won't have those things this year.

I'm not too disappointed with our gardening failure, however, because its a learning process. And, in addition to planting all that stuff outside, Nora and I decided to take advantage of the cold and start some seeds inside as well. Those are doing awesome! We have an entire tray of flowers that will be ready for outside in eight short weeks. Every morning I drink my coffee and Nora has her breakfast next to the little flats, and she tells the seedlings how adorable they are, and how she is so proud of them. I know of no other plants that get a daily pep talk. But I'd recommend it if your plants are a little wilty, she seems to be on to something!

That's it???

Nora came home from school the other day and asked me how the dentist knew she was a girl. I was a little confused; it had been a few weeks since the dental hygienist had visited their school, and I really couldn't figure out what her teeth had to do with being a girl. I asked her a few questions, and determined what she was really asking is how, when she was born, did the doctor know that she was a girl. Ahhh...well that's a different question all together.

I think its really important to be honest about these questions with our children, no matter what the age. Of course its also really important to be age appropriate...which is really hard to do with Nora because she's so darn smart and sometimes I forget she's only five. Anyways, I responded with, "The doctor told us you were a girl because you have the body of a girl". Nice, to the point, answers the query.

"But Mom", she retorted," what's a body of a girl? What does that mean?". Oh dear.

"Boys and girls have different body parts Nora. You have the parts that make up a girl". Smooth.

"What parts? Mom, I don't get it." Crap. Time for the big guns.

"Well Nora, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina." Oh my God I just said penis to a five-year old girl.

"Penis????? Gaina??? WHAT is a penis???? What's a Gaina????" What have I done?

(Deep breath) "Ummm...well, when girls and boys go pee pee they have different parts. The boy's part is called a penis. The girl has a vagina". Well that's not a very good description Ivy! That is not really how girls go.

"That's it? I know THAT. Girls have a flat butt in the front, and boys have a funny belly button thingy when they pee. "

Well, good to see I'm not needed around here! And BTW, thanks Jett at school for forgetting to close the door when you go to the bathroom. You made that conversation a whole lot shorter and easier than I imagined!