Friday, October 28, 2011

Fun, Fish, and Friends at the Shedd

DeKalb might be a lifetime ago, but some of our dearest friends still reside out in the corn. Since Emily is still asking for the green house, and cries because she misses home now and again, I've decided we can't go back to see our friends out there until we are nicely settled into our new home. In the meantime, our best friends Tim and Rachel and their cutie-pie daughter Anna met us downtown for a day at the Shedd. Tim and Rach very generously paid the admission for Emily and I as her birthday present, so I'd like to say thank you very much!

Ryan and I haven't been to the aquarium since we were kids, and let me tell you, the place has been remodeled into the coolest museum this family has ever enjoyed, hands down. The price tag is hefty, don't get me wrong, but its actually worth every penny. The adults felt like kids again as we marveled at creatures both large and small that we had no idea existed. The kids were in awe, seeing sharks and whales for their first time in their lives.


Emily really enjoyed the animals in the Amazon exhibit, which included fish (duh), snakes, even monkeys! Nora and I recounted Jack and Annie's adventures in the Amazon as we strolled that wing of the aquarium.



Since we didn't get to see Anna this summer, it was really amazing to see how much she has grown up over the past six months. Baby Anna has been replaced by a talking, intelligent, and engaging little girl! She was so excited by everything she saw, and it was really cool to see how comfortable Tim and Rachel have become in their roles as Dad and Mom.


I didn't take too many fish pics, because if you weren't there they'd be boring, but this thing is alive! Cool!


Nora correctly identified the Macaroni penguins at the Shedd from her penguin project last January. The girl has my father's memory.




Nora and Emily spent hours playing in the Yellow Submarine in the lower level of the aquarium. It was impossible to get Emily to leave without a tantrum, she loved it so much. Ryan and I are considering getting a membership to the Shedd because we've never seen Emily have more fun at an exhibit before. On the car ride home, we played Yellow Submarine by the Beatles, and Nora was amazed at the coincidence.

I didn't get any pics from the dolphin show, but I'm happy to report it didn't stink, and Nora didn't leave in tears. So thank you again to Tim, Rachel, and Anna, and hope to see you all again very soon!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Getting you all up to speed...

Hello one and all. For those of you that have been keeping up with us on Facebook, you know its been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Has it really been four months since I've blogged? Yes. Absolutely. And an awful lot can change in four months. I can say with certainty that our family is a very different family than the one that left DeKalb. But the butterfly is also very different from the caterpillar, and the changes we've experienced will help us learn to fly.

It is my intention to start blogging again on a regular basis, but before I do that, I'd like to do a blog montage of the summer to get you all caught up. As time goes on I may add some photo albums of these individual events, but this is what I can do in the meantime.

But enough of that (cue fast-paced montage music here)....

We moved in to our in-laws the first week of June. I would say the first six weeks are a blur in my mind. Unpacking, organizing, donating, throwing stuff away, reassembling furniture, painting the playroom, etc etc etc. This was a big time of transition for everyone. It was hard for the girls to differentiate between "Grandma's House", place of fun and lack of rules, and "home", a place where Mom and Dad do actually insist on both a bedtime and eating veggies. We adults also had a hard time figuring out how to run a home with two sets of parents. To be honest, we never did figure it out

Ryan settled in nicely to his new job as a consultant. Actually, he LOVES it. I am over the moon to see him so happy and productive. I had a hard time getting used to the fact that he wasn't home for lunch everyday, but now that he's fully trained he works from home some days, and has shortened hours on others (to make-up for the 12 hour days), so I feel like we spend a good amount of time together. The kids have noticed he's gone a lot more than he used to be, so the time they do spend together is more precious for all three of them. Bedtime stories are especially sweet (when the kids stay in bed LOL). Here is a pic of Ryan and Emily taken at Choo Choo Johnny's, a train themed restaurant that is a family favorite.

I traveled to Toronto this summer with my cousin Sierra and I met my newest best-friend, Rhondda Smiley. I feel like I've known her since forever. She welcomed me into her home, and we spent and amazing weekend listening to the teachings of Buddhist master Geshe Michael Roach and doing yoga. Sierra and I had a blast driving out to Canada, eh? I even made it into the Toronto Star! (OK, its the back of my head but that is still cool...millions of readers saw me looking at Geshe Michael! What they didn't see was my face, and the dippy-stupid-I-love-this-man grin).

Wednesday evenings in the summer were spent with my best friend of 23 years Lisa and her two children. Nora learned to play baseball, Emily didn't but had fun trying, and it has been great watching our children grow up together and form friendships that, hopefully, will be as strong as the friendship Lisa and I have. In this pic, we are at the zoo, a favorite hangout for the girls!

Although we miss our DeKalb friends terribly, it has been great being so close to our families again. The girls have spent more time with their aunts and cousins in the last four months than they have in the last four years combined. I'm not sure if we will ever be able to move much further from this area. I love my family so much, of course, but there is a closeness now that I didn't realize was missing until we came back. Here are Emily and Layla causing a bit of trouble...something those two are very good at!

Nora and Emily started at their new schools and love every second of it. I will have a separate post on their schooling, as there is so much to share. Both girls are natural learners, and it brings me so much joy to see them thrive in what is truly one of the best schools in the entire state.

We got an offer on the house. A lousy offer by some standards, but an offer is an offer! We are still waiting to see if we will be approved for the HAFA program through Citimortgage. If we are approved, the bank will likely accept the offer, and our credit will be bad but not for long. If the bank doesn't approve, we are still hoping to complete a deed-in-lieu. I personally hope that the offer is approved, because the man hoping to purchase owns a construction company. He builds neighborhoods for a living, and has all of the tools and the capital needed to turn my little falling apart bungalow into a really cute home for someone else. I think that would be good for the neighborhood, which needs all the help it can get. Ryan and I put our hearts into that place, and that effort should show, even if its not for us.

The biggest news which is best for last, is that Ryan and I officially converted to Buddhism. We took several sets of vows that have changed who we are forever. Some of the vows were administered here at home by Lama Claire and Lama Darin, and the last set we took were given in LA by Lama Cliff Spencer, the most amazing individual I've ever had the privilege of meeting. I am not going to say too much more here, because this blog is about the kids, and not our religious views per se. However, if you would like to know more about that aspect of our life, you can click the link for ACI-LA which is at the bottom of this page. Also note that I am the editor of the ACI-LA newsletter, so you can read some of my articles there. (And come on, it was LA!!! Do I really need to tell you we loved it????)

That is the summer in a nutshell. I should say, that is my happy version of the summer. Because in addition to the good times, there were some terrible times as well. As you know its my policy on here to not discuss health issues my parents or in-laws are facing, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. Days of happiness were clouded with worry, fear, and anxiety. I've struggled, and continue to struggle, with how to explain to the girls what is going on a manner that is age appropriate, that is truthful, and I've failed in a lot of respects. I'm beginning to think I haven't even been honest with myself. Other issues have arisen here in this very close living arrangement, and as of last night Ryan and I signed a lease to rent a townhouse in the neighboring town.

And a new chapter unfolds....

Friday, June 3, 2011

Operation Dump the House: A progress report

Well folks, I've been packing for what seems like ages, but its only been a few weeks. I am physically and emotionally spent. All of the stuff I've been combing through has brought up memories and pulled the heart strings, and I'm finding that getting rid of all one's possessions is a full time job. A difficult full time job.

The first step was, of course, getting in touch with an awesome lawyer, which we did. He got us in touch with a realtor, who came over, snapped pictures, and got the house on the market in 36 hours. Yes, 36 hours. The rapidity of this process continues to boggle my mind. My parents live in the same home I grew up in, meaning they've been there for 34 years. We've been here for 6 1/2 years. I suppose I thought that implied letting it go would also take a long time. Wronggggg (said in future teenager Nora's voice).

I had a hard time when the realtor was here, telling me how cute and darling our home was, how salable it was, how if the roof didn't leak it would be worth as much as we paid for it. Ugh. She sold me on my own house, and I didn't want to put it on the market! Then, I realized I was dealing with a professional, and upon re-examining the collapsing garage roof, decided to let her try to make a buck.

Of course having it on the market means showing it, and people want to see it! After about a week of showings, I told Ryan I needed to take it off the market for a week so I could get us out. You also read that right. I have decided I want to pack up the entire house this week an empty it out. Why the crazy rush? Well, trying to keep a house in company clean condition with two very active girls is, for me, impossible. To top it off, I don't have a car, and where are we supposed to go during the showing if its raining?

So I'm packing, I'm purging, I'm donating, I'm doing everything in my power to get this job done, so the girls and I can have a normal summer. I've made good progress in some respects. I can say with pride that the basement, which 2 months ago could only be traversed through narrow, winding paths lined with construction equipment, is almost bare. A dozen contractor bags and many trips to Goodwill took care of that. The living room is almost bare, as are all the kitchen cabinets. All of Ryan's clothes are hanging up in our new closet, and 75% of the kids toys are installed in their new toy room.

We plan on moving the majority of the things we want to keep over the first weekend in June. It will be interesting to see how that pans out. Will do my best to keep you updated....

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Graduation Follow-Up: An Interview with Miss Nora

Here is an artwork Nora did on her last day of school showing her favorite kindergarten memory. She drew several things she loved, including the red brick building, her classroom with the easel used for Spanish (that's the picture by the words I love my school), her cap and gown, and the bookshelves. I asked her to talk about the picture a little more, and typed her responses as she gave them. Enjoy!




Momma: On your last day of school you did an art project called "My favorite kindergarten memory". What is your favorite memory from the school year?

Nora: I liked doing cursive a lot.

Momma: Why?

Nora: Because I liked doing my journal in cursive, like that.

Momma: What subject did you learn the most about?

Nora: Well, I would say reading, because we do it in patterns. Monday is reading, and Wednesday is reading, and Friday. There's only two math days, so I learned more reading.

Momma: What was your favorite story from the whole year to read?

Nora: I don't really know. I liked them all.

Momma: Pick one.

Nora: I think my favorite one was the one that the title was "Dogs Can Save People".

Momma: What was it about?

Nora: On all the pages it showed different things that dogs can do to save people.

Momma: Who were your best friends at school?

Nora: I had a lot of best friends. Illiana, Ashely, Ian, Ivan, and I think that's it.

Momma: In addition to cursive, what else did you like to do in your classroom?

Nora: I liked to count money, and I like adding money. And art. I liked the spoon art, and it bleeds onto the piece of paper, and you use a black crayon to trace the thing you saw on the other side.

Momma: What was your favorite game outside?

Nora: Sometimes on really hot days, they turn on the sprinkler.

Momma: If you had one thing to tell Emily to help her get ready for kindergarten, what would you tell her?

Nora: I would tell her to start reading some easy books off her shelf. I do think we should help her count some money too.

Momma: What would you like to say to your teachers?

Nora: I miss you a lot, and have fun with the new students because new students come every new year. I put hearts on my art too, because I like doing hearts a lot.

Momma: Is there anything else you want to tell me about?

Nora: I don't think so.

Momma: Thank you Nora!

Nora: Can I leave now?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Nora's Kindergarten Graduation


I am so happy and proud to announce that Nora Grace has officially graduated from kindergarten! The happiness we all feel is slightly bittersweet, for as we celebrate such a big milestone in her life, we are also aware that its a signal of the end of the way we've lived for 6 years. Her graduation marks the beginning of our transition to suburban life with the extended family.

Nora was keenly aware of the amount of change coming her way, and in the days and weeks leading up to the graduation she kept telling me she didn't want to graduate. Starting about 5 weeks ago, she would stand in front of the calendar and ask how many more days she had at Montessori. I'd tell her the number of weeks and days, and then tell her not to worry about the future. She needed to remember to enjoy the present. This worked until the Sunday before graduation. That night, before bed, she wailed that she didn't want this week to come. I held her close and let her cry, because she needed to express her feelings.

The next day she came home from school laughing. She said, "Graduation is just music! I've been afraid of music this whole time!" I was relieved that the impending stage fright had dissipated, and she enjoyed the next two days at school. The stage fright returned on Wednesday night, but I was able to calm Nora down by explaining everyone she loved would be in the audience. Nonnie, Poppa, and Grandma and Grandpa Geier would all be there (little did I know Grandma Esther was also coming!)

The big day arrived. After school, Nora, Emily, and I headed over to the Hair Cuttery. We all got beautiful haircuts (and I cut my once blonde then red now green hair off into a cute bob). Afterwards we went home, and Nora dressed in her new outfit that her Daddy got her as a graduation present. She also opened her gift from us, which included a necklace to wear at graduation, a purse, and a few other girly odds and ends.

The ceremony was beautiful. The teachers and the children at the school did a wonderful job. The kids wore blue caps and gowns and marched in to Pomp and Circumstance. I admit, I cried. The graduation was short and sweet, the kids tossed their caps into the air, and it was over. Coffee and cake and mayhem ensued as the kiddos ran around. I got to visit with my family as well as Ian's Mom and Dad, my friends Rachel and Aaron.

And then it was over. Although there is still a week of school left, the clock has started ticking. Our time here in Northern Illinois is drawing to an end.

Click on the image below to see all the photos.

Nora's Graduation

Monday, May 23, 2011

At odds with the American Dream

What do you do when you sit down and realize that the life you've created is at odds with your beliefs? What do you do when you feel that its your job to help others, to be kind to the Earth, and yet you feel trapped in old habits and patterns? What do you do when money is tight, when the stress is high, and the events of your life start looking like tsunami sized waves that are dragging you under? Well, I guess you have a couple of options. (1) Do nothing, because old habits are familiar and familiar is comfy. (2) Work and work and work and try to change the situation. Build up walls to block the influx of water. (3) Accept that things aren't working, and perhaps they were never going to work out anyways, and go with the flow. Ride the wave and see where it takes you.

Of course you know that we are going to ride the wave, but that is only because Ryan and I have tried options 1 and 2 for YEARS and know from first hand experience its not working!

After a lot of thought, tears of bitter disappointment, as well as a strange sense of relief and freedom, Ryan and I have decided we can no longer afford to live in our old house. The financial, emotional, and time costs are just too high. We, like so many thousands of other Americans, will be using the HAFA program to short sell the house, or more likely, do a deed-in-lieu. We are upside down in our mortgage, and will be for another decade. The roof leaks, the siding is starting to fall off, and the electric is out of code. We need at least 30K to fix the place. We could work and work to pay off another loan, or we can say enough is enough. Financial system of America, you've milked us dry. We want our life back. Basically, we are handing the keys to the bank and saying "Good luck!" We walk away (or float away?) after 6 1/2 years of payments and improvements with a 1000 dollar relocation check. The bank keeps it all.

Everyone we have told about this so far has felt REALLY bad for us. And if you believe in the American Dream, we did fail. Miserably! We had it all: the house, the picket fence, the dog, and we're only keeping the dog. We're also telling people we're getting rid of most of our stuff, to which many wonderful friends and family have offered to buy our things, to store them free of charge, and my Uncle even offered to pay for a storage locker! I want to say thank you to everyone, because I can see how much we are loved, and it warms my heart. I am surrounded by wonderful people. But please, don't feel bad for us! Let me tell you why.

I don't believe a house is the same thing as a home; its the love created by the people inside the walls that make a home.

I don't believe that money has the ability to make anyone happy; and losing money should not equate to losing happiness.

I believe that my time here is limited, and that what I do with the time is important. I have up to this point been wasting most of my time on pointless stuff and empty promises. Its time to be a full-time advocate for others.

I believe that Americans as a society have taken more than their fair share of the Earth's resources, and that our way of life is not sustainable. In our drive to consume and possess more and more and more, we are laying waste to our only true home, this beautiful sapphire of a planet. The idea that each nuclear family has to have their own McMansion full of possessions and two cars and a yard covered in grass instead of edible plants is a selfish dream, and its a dream I don't want to be a part of anymore.

JOY IS NOT IN THINGS, ITS IN US.


A lot of people say yea, that's a great list! I believe in that too. And then they get bored, and go shopping for more stuff. Or they're not happy with their house because it only has 4 bedrooms and they want 5 bedrooms. Or they work 3 jobs so they can continue to subsidize a life that being sold to them by ads on the TV. Buy now and pay later! (And now Momma jumps off the soap box to tell you the plan).

In order to live a life that we can afford on Ryan's income and that allows us to embody our values, we are moving in with my in-laws. They have a four bedroom home that is currently occupied by 2 adults and 2 very large Newfoundlands. My family will live on the upstairs portion of the split level with a few of our favorite things; my in-laws will have the downstairs. We will share the living room and kitchen and have wonderful family dinners together. They have a large yard in which I'll be able to grow veggies for the whole family to eat, and I plan on planting some native species to feed the birds and bugs as well. We are expanding out of the nuclear family into a grand community. Big living, smaller environmental impact.

Nora and Emily are excited to move to Grandma's House (sorry Grandpa, but it will always be Grandma's House). They have a lot of reasons to be happy! First of all, they will be in one of the best school districts in the state. They will receive the equivalent of a private education for the price of public school. Emily's new speech therapist has an office that is less than a 5 minute walk from the house, so I don't need to purchase a car. The neighborhood comes with built in friends and cousins. Plus, the girls will have access to both their parents and grandparents. All that extra love, and smarts, can only help in the long run. Four adults to two children is a ratio that ensures everyone's needs will be met.

Ryan will benefit as well. He has been offered a new job that he's accepted. He is going to be a consultant whose main job is to help teach people how to use computer software. No more making plastic packaging that sits in landfills for thousands of years! The downside for Ryan is he has to travel, so he can no longer ride his bike to work. But since I won't be driving to work (when I get offered work...another story!), we hope we won't be adding more to our current level of auto emissions. But he will have his Mom there to make his favorite foods, so he can look forward to good eats after a long commute. The best part is that he has gained his weekends back. No more old house projects. No more fixer-upper headaches. Time that can be spent with me and our girls.

This post has already gotten too long so I will add more in the future. Now its time to get more stuff ready for Goodwill. Out with the old and in with the new.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Emily's Diagnosis

I received the call from Dr. B two weeks after seeing her at Children's Memorial. She was kind enough to want to explain her findings to me over the phone and personally tell me why she made the decision she did, which I really appreciated. She followed our call with a letter, which is provided below (in italics)with some additional information to help make things less confusing.

Since the time of the initial evaluation, I had the opportunity to speak to her early childhood teacher, Sarah Mack, review her individualized education plan and school reports and speak with Emily's mother.

Emily has expressive/receptive language deficits, social communication deficits, and mild fine motor deficits. She does not have, however, significant rote, repetitive behaviors or perseverative interests that limit her functioning.

Based on the consideration of the new proposed DSM V criteria for an autism spectrum disorder, Emily does not meet the criteria for an autism spectrum disorder (lack of rote, repetitive perseverative behaviors).

Her diagnoses based on my evaluation are:

Receptive Expressive Language Disorder
Semantic Pragmatic Language Impairment
Lack of Coordination


Let me insert a bit of commentary for you to help you digest what the first page of the letter means. In the second paragraph, Dr. B. is laying out the case that Emily has all of the qualifications to be diagnosed with a Social Communication Disorder. She lays this out very carefully because, at the moment, this is not a diagnosis listed in the DSM 4, a guidebook used by doctors and psychologists all over the world for diagnosing their patients. According to the current DSM, Emily has the symptoms of an autism spectrum disorder known as PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delay-Not Otherwise Specified).

However, the DSM is updated every 20 years, and the new edition will be published for 2013. At that time, Emily will no longer fit into the PDD-NOS category. This, coupled with the fact that Emily (1) does not have the repetitive behaviors so often associated with autism, and (2) she is a very loving little girl, led Dr. B. to go for the newer (and controversial) label of Communication Disorder. For a complete overview of these proposed changes to the DSM-5 please visit http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=489#
In the comments section of the website, you will quickly find that many parents are unhappy with this new diagnosis, feeling it is a way for some parents to feel better because their children do not have the autism label.

Emily received three diagnoses, but I will only explain the first two seeing that we all know my kids are not coordinated!

Receptive Expressive Language Disorder:
taken from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001545.htm

Language disorder in children refers to problems with either:

Getting their meaning or message across to others (expressive language disorder), or
Understanding the message coming from others (receptive language disorder)
Some children only have an expressive language disorder. Others have a mixed receptive-expressive language disorder, meaning that they have symptoms of both conditions.

Children with language disorders are able to produce sounds, and their speech can be understood.

Causes
For most infants and children, language develops naturally beginning at birth. To develop language, a child must be able to hear, see, understand, and remember. Children must also have the physical ability to form speech.

Up to 1 out of every 20 children has symptoms of a language disorder. When the cause is unknown, it is called a developmental language disorder.

Problems with receptive language skills usually begin before age 4. Some mixed language disorders are caused by a brain injury, and these are sometimes misdiagnosed as developmental disorders.

Language disorders may occur in children with other developmental problems, autistic spectrum disorders, hearing loss, and learning disabilities. A language disorder may also be caused by damage to the central nervous system, which is called aphasia.

Language disorders are rarely caused by a lack of intelligence.

Language disorders are different than delayed language. With delayed language, the child develops speech and language in the same way as other children, but later. In language disorders, speech and language do not develop normally. The child may have some language skills, but not others. Or, the way in which these skills develop will be different than usual.

Symptoms
A child with language disorder may have one or two of the symptoms listed below, or many of the symptoms. Symptoms can range from mild to severe.

Children with a receptive language disorder have difficulty understanding langugae. They may have:

A hard time understanding what other people have said
Problems following directions that are spoken to them
Problems organizing their thoughts
Children with an expressive language disorder have problems using language to express what they are thinking or need. These children may:

Have a hard time putting words together into sentences, or their sentences may be simple and short and the word order may be off
Have difficulty finding the right words when talking, and often use placeholder words such as "um"
Have a vocabulary that is below the level of other children the same age
Leave words out of sentences when talking
Use certain phrases over and over again, and repeat (echo) parts or all of questions
Use tenses (past, present, future) improperly

Because of their language problems, these children may have difficulty in social settings. At times, language disorders may be part of the cause of severe behavioral problems.

Outlook (Prognosis)
The outcome varies based on the cause. Brain injury or other structural problems generally have a poor outcome, in which the child will have long-term problems with language. Other, more reversible causes can be treated effectively.

Many children who have language problems during the preschool years will also have some language problems or learning difficulty later in childhood. They may also have reading disorders.

Possible Complications
Difficulty understanding and using language can cause problems with social interaction and the ability to function independently as an adult.

Reading may be a problem.

Depression, anxiety, and other emotional or behavioral problems may complicate language disorders.

This disorder is also known as Developmental aphasia; Developmental dysphasia; Delayed language; Specific developmental language disorder; SLI; Communication disorder - language disorder

Semantic Pragmatic Language Impairment:
taken from http://members.tripod.com/Caroline_Bowen/spld.htm

Semantics
Semantics is the aspect of language function that relates to understanding the meanings of words, phrases and sentences, and using words appropriately when we speak. Children with semantic difficulties have a very hard time understanding the meaning of words and sentences.

This is sometimes apparent from their unusual responses when they are told to do something, and sometimes it is revealed by the questions they ask, and the things they say about words. There is an example here of 12 year old Nerida's interpretation of the word "acquire". In the example, she was unable to detect from the context that she was being asked what "acquire", rather than "a choir" meant.

People with semantic processing difficulties have particular trouble with abstract words like 'curious' or 'vague', words that relate to feelings and emotions such as 'embarrassed' and 'anxious', and words that refer to status (for instance 'expert' or 'authority') or degree (for example, 'essential' or 'approximate').

They have difficulty with idioms, sayings and slang expressions, often taking them literally or interpreting them oddly. For example, when asked if he enjoyed spending time with his friends, a 14 year old with semantic processing problems replied, "I don't see how you can spend time, and I certainly don't see how you could enjoy it because spending time is not something you can do. You can only actually spend money".

Another difficulty children with semantic problems experience is that they may not be able to identify the key point or topic in a sentence, and because of this may suddenly change the subject, very obscurely, apparently thinking they are on the same subject. Here is another real example from a girl aged eleven. Question: "Could you get the book off the shelf and give it to me?" Reply: "The Gulf Stream warms the coast-line"

NOTE: CLOSE QUESTIONING REVEALED THAT THE OBSCURE CONNECTION HERE WAS THE CONTINENTAL SHELF, AND THE GULF STREAM. HER RESPONSE WAS RELATED TO HER DEEP INTEREST IN MARINE BIOLOGY AND OCEAN CURRENTS.


Pragmatics
Pragmatics is the area of language function that embraces the use of language in social contexts (knowing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it - and how to "be" with other people).
Children with pragmatic difficulties have great trouble using language socially in ways that are appropriate or typical of children of their age. They often do not understand that we take turns to talk, and they will "talk over the top of you" at times, or, at other times respond to what you say with inappropriate silences, or in a voice that is too quiet. They may interrupt excessively and talk irrelevantly or about things the listener shows no interest in. Their communicative behaviour often appears rude and inconsiderate.

They often do not assume prior knowledge. So for example, one boy explained to me in minute detail how to wash a car, wrongly assuming that I needed (and wanted) the information and that I had never washed a car.

On the other hand, they may assume prior knowledge that the listener could not possibly have, and launch into a long disquisition without describing in sufficient detail the participants, location and general background of their story.

They can go on far too long telling stories, and include so much detail that the listener becomes disinterested.

Pragmatics skills include:

knowing that you have to answer when a question has been asked;
being able to participate in a conversation by taking it in turns with the other speaker;
the ability to notice and respond to the non-verbal aspects of language (reacting appropriately to the other person's body language and 'mood', as well as their words);
awareness that you have to introduce a topic of conversation in order for the listener to fully understand;
knowing which words or what sort of sentence-type to use when initiating a conversation or responding to something someone has said;
the ability to maintain a topic (or change topic appropriately, or 'interrupt' politely);
the ability to maintain appropriate eye-contact (not too much staring, and not too much looking away) during a conversation; and
the ability to distinguish how to talk and behave towards different communicative partners (formal with some, informal with others).

Semantic-Pragmatic Language Disorder
Children with SPLD (called semantic-pragmatic disorder (SPD) in some literature) have a language disorder that affects both semantic processing and the pragmatics of language use. Some authorities see SPLD as part of the autism spectrum of disorders while others see it purely as a language disorder.

I once said to a twelve year old with semantic and pragmatic difficulties "Tell me all about yourself." He responded, perfectly seriously, with "It will take a very long time", and made an immediate start!

Although isolated examples like the ones here can appear quite amusing and even endearing, these difficulties with word comprehension and social aptitude can be extremely embarrassing, upsetting, confusing and frustrating for the child with SPLD, and can give rise to teasing and criticism of the child.

Family, peers, teachers and other adults need to apply great sensitivity to guiding the young person with SPLD. Understanding the nature of the disorder is helpful in this regard.

Assessment
Speech-Language Pathology treatment is planned on the basis of a formal language assessment, interviews with the client and their caregivers and clinical observations.

It is always necessary to determine whether the client has:

isolated semantic processing difficulties OR

isolated difficulties with the pragmatics of language use OR

a combination of the two OR

semantic pragmatic language disorder (SPLD) OR

SPLD in combination with another communication disorder that is NOT in the autism spectrum, for example, developmental apraxia of speech OR

SPLD in combination with another disorder in the autism spectrum, for example, Asperger's Syndrome OR

SPLD in combination with another disorder that is NOT in the autism spectrum, e.g., Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

The diagnosis of isolated semantic difficulties, isolated pragmatic difficulties and combinations of the two is "routine" for many paediatric SLPs. The diagnosis of SPLD can be difficult, lengthy and indeterminate, often involving several professionals in addition to the speech-language pathologist (family physician, paediatrician, audiologist, clinical psychologist, occupational therapist, etc). There are many children with semantic and pragmatic difficulties who don't quite "fit" into a definite diagnostic category.


Intervention
Clinical management of any communication disorder is geared to the unique needs and capacities of the particular client in their particular setting. Children with semantic difficulties, or pragmatic difficulties, or a combination of the two, or SPLD are no exception.

The letter from Emily's doctor ended with her recommendations for intervention.

Therapeutic recommendations include:

Continue with an individualized education plan that include a preschool (blended classroom preferable), speech, occupational therapy, emphasis on social use of language.

Would recommend private speech and occupational therapy.

Enrollment in a private social language group.

Please call with any questions.
Sincerely,
Dana M. Brazdziunas, MD
Director, Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics
Associate Professor of Pediatrics (at Northwestern)


Feel free to comment here or on FB. Thanks everyone for all the support you've shown over the past two years as we've struggled to understand how we can be of help to my sweet little Emily.