Resolution 2011

OK....maybe a post on New Year's Resolutions 21 days after the fact is just too untimely, and should be scratched. Actually, I've written and re-written this post over the past few weeks, but it hasn't been satisfactory until now. This year I am really serious about the resolution, the chance for a new beginning, but I wanted to be sure I actually know what it is I want from 2011 before posting it publicly.

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I spent most of the wee hours of January 1st crying my eyes out. It dawned on me that my dear Grandparents would not have the opportunity to see the new year, to make the changes that needed to be made, to explore and learn and see where life could take them. Their story is over now. Someday that's going to be me too, and that really depressed me. I've continued to think about it since then, and have tried to put some perspective on the whole thing. This ride we call life, the unknown that we call death, does not function to make us feel depressed, not really. It's there, I think, to make us get our act together. Once you lose someone you love, you realize you don't have an unlimited amount of time. To think so is actually rather dangerous. (Several artists on my Matchbox 20 Pandora station have underscored this point recently, I think, to make sure I'm paying attention).

OK Rob, I hear you...my world is really burning to the ground! But now what? Ryan asked me what I wanted to do with 2011, and I came up with a big old blank. Nada. That is simply unacceptable, considering the above realization. Since then I've been formulating an answer, and here it is. Drumroll please....

Resolution 2011: Focus less on "me" and more on "us".

Now, I realize you were probably expecting something much more profound, or a statement in which I vowed to save the world. Sorry, I can't do that! I can only start here at home, and this is the best resolution I could come up with. But I stand behind it, I think its a good one. Its something I think I can succeed at, and just by trying, its a win-win for everyone involved. Here's the reasoning behind the resolution.

I need to focus less on "me" the teacher, and even "me" the Mom. I have a lot of ego and a lot of preconceived notions rolled up into those roles. Those two forces lead to unhappiness here in the house. Me the teacher spends too much time away from the girls while I grade or write lectures. Me the teacher oftentimes feels slighted when student sleep through that same lecture that deprived me of precious moments with my family. Me the teacher gets my knickers in a twist when I don't know when my next teaching gig is going to show up, even though I willingly signed up for a part-time job with no benefits and no guarantee of work. Me the teacher needs to remember the reason why I chose this profession: I love art, I love school, and adjunct teaching allows me more time with my kids than anything else I could find.

Me the Mom also needs to lighten up. Since my job is so erratic, I can't afford to always serve organic food. Get over it! The kids don't care. The landscaping in the front yard is really hideous. Well, its January and everything is covered in snow, so stop searching the internet for shrubbery! Who am I cleaning this house up for anyhow, my family or Kim and Aggie? Do the girls really care how often I mop? Does Ryan really give a hoot if there are dishes in the sink? Now, don't take this paragraph to mean I am a stellar housekeeper; in fact, I am not so good at housekeeping at all! And I beat myself up over this fact all the time. Guess how fun I am to be around when I'm pouting about the piles of laundry...

As I said, time to focus on US the family. I need to realize that I am not a teacher, teaching is just something I do. I enjoy it a lot of the time, but I can't let that task define me. I am going to spend less time being so OCD about classwork, period. My kids need me to spend more time with them, and not be stressed over teaching assignments! As for me the mom, I am going to think about the what is best for the family first, rather than what I simply want. Accepting what is rather than wishing for perfection will make living under this roof more enjoyable. And the chores? Well, Nora and Emily have been good about pitching in before, so its time to dust off the chore chart!

I truly hope to achieve a happier and more balanced life by putting the needs of the family over my personal wants and needs. In the end, I need to succeed. Because, as I noted earlier, someday I am not going to be here. Guess what? I can't take anything with me when I go. My degrees, my teaching files on my thumb drive, my house, and my garden have to stay behind. So spending all my time focusing on that stuff is a huge waste of time anyways. I can, however, leave something precious when its my time to find out what happens after the last breath. I can leave my kids with the memories of time spent together, time in which they felt love. I can leave my family with lessons of what it means to think about someone other than yourself, and how that is actually the source of happiness. And hopefully I will leave some grateful students behind too, having taught them to seek out beauty in the world and enjoy it, if only for a moment.

Christmas 2010: The Video

For anyone that would like to view all of our family's holiday photos while listening to several classic holiday tunes, check out this video. You can change the settings to view it in HD if viewing it full screen through You Tube. Enjoy!

Christmas 2010: The Good and the Bad, the Happy and the Sad

Christmas 2010 was unlike any Christmas we've ever celebrated before, for both good and bad reasons. I will probably remember this one as bittersweet, because there were moments of true joy, but for me there was some sadness too.

The holiday season started off right. We got the tree at Lowe's, and had a blast decorating it. For the first time Emily was also allowed to help put up ornaments, although she had more fun standing back and watching Nora and I trim the tree. Ryan hooked up his old i-pod in the living room so there was a good three week period in which our favorite Christmas songs filled the air along with the scent of pine.

As Christmas day approached, I began to stress out more than in the past, and unfortunately this quelled some of the excitement I had been feeling earlier in the month. First, work became a nightmare. I'll leave it at that for now, but don't be surprised in the next few months if there's a post about how (1) I've run away to become a farmer or (2) I've found a new job.

Second, this was the first year where I really felt I had to make sure Nora got what her heart was set upon. You see, last year Santa failed to bring her a pillow pet, and she was really down and out about that for the last 12 months. I had a heart to heart with Santa and asked him to please make sure she didn't have to feel like that again! Santa secured a pillow pet in early October (smart move Santa!!!) but failed to realize that Zhu Zhu Pet Princess accessories were going to be impossible to find. After many many trips to the store, Santa's elves managed to score both a Zhu Zhu Princess Palace and a beauty salon around December 22nd. Phew!!!! But also Wow!! I never imagined myself to be one of those moms who could get hung up over a toy!

My stress levels, and excitement levels, really started to rise as the day approached. I was so excited because for the first time in Emily's life, I was hosting Christmas dinner. When I was growing up, Christmas Eve was spent with family feasting on seafood, and on Christmas day we went to my Grandma Esther's house for even more amazing food. As we got older, that tradition changed. I spent Christmas Eve with Ryan's family, and my sister began hosting Christmas day. This has always been fun in the past, but as the family is growing and changing, I felt it was really important for Nora and Emily to celebrate some of the holidays in their home with both sides of the family present. That's what we planned for this year. I was so excited to see everyone, Ryan was excited I was making Chicken Stew (not quite the Italian feast but dang its dairy-licious). The kids were just excited, and continued to run around the house singing Jingle Bells.

And then my kids got sick with the snot-nosed virus of 2010. You all know what I'm talking about, the cold where everyone's head was filled with boogers. What a nasty nasty bug. It took whole family with it, draining us of energy and probably brain matter too with the amount of nose blowing that occurred.

The major fallout of this was that my mom, who is still undergoing chemo, couldn't come to the Christmas celebration. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Then Xander got sick with the aforementioned snot-nosed virus, so he and his dad couldn't come either. So there were some moments of disappointment from my point of view. It wasn't the Christmas I had planned, and I must have been more attached to those plans than I realized, because for the first time in my life, I cried--aka freaked out--on Christmas day.

Luckily for all of us, the freak out didn't start on Christmas Eve, didn't delay Santa's visit, and didn't affect those who were able to make it to our home. And it did turn out to be a lovely holiday. We had some laughs too because

---I forgot to defrost Christmas Eve dinner so we had to order take out sushi. Or maybe I forgot on purpose, because I'm always looking for an excuse to order Fushi Yami!

---Nora chided me for not wrapping my gift to her (I redecorated her room! How the heck was I going to wrap a bedroom??? Goof!)

---On Christmas morning, Ryan and I awoke to the sound of feet thundering from the girls room to the tree. One could tell a plan was being hatched by the continued sound of feet, and then Emily entered our room. After telling me a bunch of nonsense, she took a deep breath and said in a hushed voice, "presents!!!!". When I asked if Santa came, she said just as seriously, "Yes". Wow!!! Emily understood Santa! Best present ever.

---Santa was so silly. He hid the pillow pets in the TV cabinet! Nora didn't discover them right away, what a wonderful surprise!

---I discovered on Christmas Eve that I donated all of my Christmas dining stuff to charity at some point in my life I no longer remember; so I set the table with a beautiful new gold tablecloth and paper plates.

---My Dad played trivial pursuit on the i-phone. (This is funny if you know how tech literate my dad is).

---Dinner wasn't funny but it tasted great!

---I left Stephanie and Jessie's presents under the tree, so they drove for hours and hours and didn't even get a gift! Then I thought I saw Jessie wearing the gloves we bought her, so I returned them only to find out on NYE she still wanted them. Ah well!!!

Happy Holidays 2010. Thank you for the good memories, thanks for the not so good ones too. Life isn't ever going to go according to plan, thanks for the reminder! But all that really matters is that Nora and Emily had a magical two days of gifts and family and great food, and hopefully they will remember the moments that mattered with fondness as they grow up.

Nora's 6th Birthday Bash

When I started making plans for Nora's birthday, she still had a cast on her arm, and the doctor said it would be there until the end of the year. Being worried about a second broken bone, I tried to come up with a plan in which a number of 5 and 6 year old children could gather without a lot of commotion. I asked Nora if she would like to bring some friends to the movie, and she thought that was a fine idea. Especially since Disney, on the heels of the success of the Princess and the Frog, decided to release another princess movie. So Nora invited her friends to see Tangled, starring Princess Rapunzel. She was very VERY excited.

In order to make it a proper birthday party, I went and got the Tangled invitations, stickers, napkins, plates, cake, etc. It seemed like all was in order...all except when the party was actually gonna happen. What I didn't foresee when I hatched this plan, and what could have ruined the whole thing, is that theaters don't really release what time the different movies are playing until a few days before. So when Nora handed out the invitations, there was a note to the parents to call me to see what show we were going to attend. The problem? No one called. This was an even bigger problem because Nora assumed everyone that was invited was going to be thrilled to show up to her birthday.

Luckily, the party was saved from certain failure because Nora's two best friends, Miles and Ian, happen to have very cool moms whom I consider friends, and they made sure their sons would be here for Nora's day. Thank goodness they did, because I couldn't bear the idea of telling her the party was cancelled. The morning of her party, she did seem slightly disappointed that some of the girls from her class and her cousin weren't going to make it, but as soon as she had her dress on, along with her Tangled birthday ribbon, she was as happy as any other little girl on her birthday. Both Miles and Ian showed up, and off to the theater we went.

It was also a special day for Emily, because it was Emily's first ever trip to the movies. I am glad to report everyone, boys and girls alike, enjoyed the film. Even though it had a princess it was anything but a sissy movie. There was action, adventure, and silly songs (in addition to the lovey dovey kissing stuff, which made Ian smack his forehead in disgust. So funny, exactly what you'd expect from a 5 year old boy!) My favorite part was actually during a scary scene, because Emily climbed over all the other kids to sit in my lap. The ending is a tear jerker, and Nora began to cry a little, but luckily there was a happily ever after so we could go home and actually enjoy the cake and presents.

All in all, it was a successful birthday. I was happy because Nora got to feel special, she got to see a movie she now loves, and she spent several quality hours playing with her two best friends. Because there wasn't a house full of people, they kids never got overwhelmed and I felt they all behaved really well considering I fed them tons of sugar and junk food. The adults had a great visit too, and that's really nice when you can take a breather and enjoy the company of your peers! I would definitely like to do this again, but with the lack of turnout for this year, I might not be able to do so. Oh well, that's ok. I have 11 months to think of something else!

Nora's 6th Birthday Party

Random Silly Pics

Well, there are a number of headings one could write for this photo. All I can say is I'll bet Steve Jobs did not envision the i-pod as a potty training device. I like to think of it as the "i-pood". Feel free to include your own inappropriate jokes in the comments.

Jingle Bells Video

The girls REALLY got into the Christmas spirit after we put up our tree. Here is just a little sample of how they acted for the majority of December!

And if you're wondering, yes this video is on its side. I just got this phone for my birthday, and I was holding it, well like a phone rather than a camera. I'm learning, give me a break!

Blink

Oops, I did blink, and there went the rest of December!

My effort to have an unbusy 2010 was, I can now say with some certainty, unsuccessful. However, since the many disasters of the last post, I can also say with even more certainty that things are improving, and will hopefully continue to improve until the next set of disasters!

First, to start at where I left off, Ryan did purchase a new car. I am now the proud owner of a new-to-me 2007 Mazda Five. It is not quite a car and not quite a van...its a "sports wagon". To call it a station wagon is not cool I suppose, but you know, a rose is a rose is a rose. And this ride is sweet. Did I mention its PURPLE!?!? So Ryan came home with a highly rated, safe family vehicle AND its pretty! I've been driving it for a few weeks now, and while I'm still not quite used to its smooth handling and zoom zoom, I must say I like this so-called sports wagon. I like it a lot. I've named her Violet. She is my third car, after Lil' the Escort and the Mom Van. Nora and Emily also approve, because (1) their windows fully open and (2) it has a sun roof and (3) it has a DVD player with headphones for the kiddos. So now on the long ride to Grandma's house they can watch movies, and I am saved from endless choruses of "are we there yet?". Oh Violet, you're the best!

Since I've posted last, Nora also had her Christmas sing at school. She has been practicing the songs for a few weeks now (including Jingle Bells. Those of you on Facebook have seen the video; will post her shortly). The morning of the Christmas sing she was very very excited, but when she came home that afternoon she began to get nervous. She was actually acting more like a young adult than a little girl, and I admit I was really surprised at how much thought she had put into her case of nerves. She was worried she had nothing to wear, she was worried because she didn't know where her Bump-it hair piece was, she was worried about remembering her lines, she was nervous we would be late, she was nervous to be singing in front of a group of strangers! My goodness that is a lot of worry for a 5 year old, and she ended up sick in the bathroom.

I did my best to calm her down. I gave her the birthday outfit I had purchased for her early so she would have new clothes, I found the Bump-It and curled her hair, we practiced her lines over and over, and I distracted her from thinking about the crowd by wrapping Christmas presents. It seemed to work well, although once in car ***pardon me sports wagon*** I had to shush Ryan from mentioning the masses of parents we were about to encounter because Nora was still sick to her stomach. But, like a true performer, once the show started you couldn't tell she had been queasy. Her lines actually opened the program, and while it was hard to make out what she was saying into the mic, she did a good job. She stood next to her best friend at school Ian for the singing portion, and had a lot of cookies afterwards because she was feeling better. I was so proud of her! She looked beautiful and she sang her heart out.

The following day was the last day of school for the three of us prior to Christmas break. Well, its been a break for them...I've had more work than ever! Stay tuned.

And for those of you that are wondering, yes, I took the title Blink from my favorite episode of Dr. Who.